Acting Without the Drama

July 24, 2008. So, my first official podcast is up. It’s all about connection, that wonderful, magical energy that can flow between two people when they are open and honest with each other.

And, of course, I feel completely disconnected today.

I’m irritated with my kids, I’m getting snippy with my wife, I feel just generally discombobulated (I love that word…it sounds exactly how it feels). Notice that there is one common thread moving through my frustrations today. Me.

Crap.

Now I have to take a look at my own stuff again. It’s so much easier when I can just blame somebody else. Problem is, I don’t really believe it. I’m a good actor, too. So, if I’m not managing to convince even myself, I guess I really would like to take a look at it. Otherwise, I’d do a much better cover-up job.

I’m not sure exactly what’s gotten me all disconnected today, but let’s take a look at something I wrote just a minute ago. Connection happens when we’re open and honest.

Great, so I’m closed off and a liar to boot.

But that’s actually just useful information about what’s happening right in this moment. I’m not a liar, and I am generally pretty open. If I’m acting in some other way, it’s usually because I’m hurt or afraid (or both) and refusing to take an honest look at it.

I think this time it’s mostly about fear. Here I am talking about connection, but I see so many example of disconnection in my life. I must be a hypocrite.

Hmmm…that sounds suspiciously like one of those negative voices that like to run rampant in my head. Not open. Not honest. Filled with fear. I might even say disconnected.

I’m not a hypocrite. I am a person who really does his best to practice what he preaches. I’m not perfect by any means, but isn’t it really arrogant to expect perfection of ourselves?

So, today I’m going to take some time reconnecting to myself. I’ll meditate for a bit, do some yoga, spend some time listening to those inner voices. What am I telling myself today? If it’s negative, how can I address the concerns that my psyche is trying to bring up?

Once I’ve done that, I can take some positive steps to reconnect with my family.  I don’t enjoy being a sourpuss, and I’m fairly certain my family doesn’t like it much either. Maybe I can find a different way to express my concerns and fears.  I get to choose the way my life will go.  Disconnection was a choice that I made (even if I did it unconsciously). After all, it’s just the difference of three letters. I can choose to take the “dis” away and just leave the connection.

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