Acting Without the Drama

July 27, 2008. So, this morning was fun. I got up to do yoga (I didn’t really want to) and sort of dragged my feet. I got started later than usual. Then, as I was right in the middle of my routine, my little girl woke up and started screaming. I was letting my wife handle it, but then the little one started yelling specifically for me. We’re right in the middle of potty training with her, and she gets scared sometimes when she’s on the toilet.

While I was thus engaged upstairs, my eldest son went downstairs and changed the channel away from my routine–not a big deal, but I was irritated and let him know about it. Then, while I was trying to finish up my exercising, the same son-number-one yelled upstairs for his mother, wanting to know what was going to be fixed for his breakfast.

At that point I lost it. I stopped the video and launched into a long-winded (well, maybe not long-winded, since I was panting and sweating, but it was long) diatribe on his selfishness this morning. He wasn’t thinking about anyone but himself: he turned the channel when he knew I was in the middle of exercising and then he yelled up for his mother to fix his breakfast when he could simply get some himself.

All of this may have been true, but he’s eleven years old. Last time I checked, eleven-year-olds are not the models for self-awareness and restraint.

My irritation really wasn’t at him. It was at me.

I didn’t really want to work out. I was looking for an excuse to stop, anyway. When one provided itself, I felt guilty about quitting, and it was easier to lecture my son on his selfishness than look at my own desire to not work out.

Ooooof.

I may not be winning any parent-of-the-year awards this year.

As actors, when we are in the middle of training, we will almost certainly come face-to-face with some fairly uncomfortable truths about ourselves. At least, we will if we are truly progressing.

Sometimes when this happens, it’s much easier to blame our acting partners, our teachers, or even our surroundings for the faults. Here’s the truth I’ve discovered about myself. If I’m upset or angry, it’s always about me. Every single time.

Even when what I’m angry about is real, the fact that I’m angry means that there’s something about myself that I’m not willing to take a look at. Even more disturbing, it usually means that I’m angry with myself for almost exactly the same reason I’m angry with the other person.

I was upset with my son because he wasn’t being sensitive. I was angry with myself because I wasn’t being sensitive to what my body was telling me. Hmmmmm. Interesting.

My body was telling me that maybe I could’ve chosen a gentler routine today. But that wasn’t on the schedule. What was on the schedule was sweat and pain.

Getting into shape is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. And if I’m not listening to my body when it’s telling me what it needs today, it will forcibly shut down later–tomorrow, next week, next month–and make me listen.

In the same way, as we progress in the craft, our mentors will tell us what the next stage of our development could be. We can rail against it, gnashing our teeth and shaking our fists at the sky. Or we can just listen and take it all in, trusting that we’ll be able to get there eventually.

Acting is a marathon. All that’s required is that we make a little bit of progress every day.

So, with that said, what are you waiting for? Get out there and make some progress today.

Just make sure you listen first so that you know how.

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