Acting Without the Drama

August 30, 2008. First off, thanks for the comments, guys! You’ve asked me some great questions, which I will take some time to answer over the next little while. For today, I’m gonna tackle the question posed by Carolyn: “How do I get over my fear of exposing my real self?”

Acting is great, because it’s one of the few disciplines where getting caught with your pants down is a good thing. In a figurative sense, at least. (I can just see the headlines: “Actor arrested for indecent exposure. ‘My acting teacher told me to do it,’ he claims.”) We are asked to reveal our true selves to total strangers without reservation and regardless of whatever may be going on in our personal lives at the moment.

No prob.

Except that it is. I don’t care how experienced an actor is, staying open, vulnerable and connected is a moment by moment process. There is no “destination.” It is just as much of a challenge late in life as it is early on. The only difference is that after years of experience it’s easier to know when you’re doing it and when you’re not.

This holds true in our lives as well. How many times a day, a week, a month, a year do I put up my defensive walls? I can feel it happening, too. I physically stiffen up, which mimics the emotional process that’s occurring inside. Someone says something hurtful (whether intended or not) or they mention something that frightens me, and BAM! That’s it. I’m like a turtle, pulling all my appendages into my shell.

But when I do that, I lose the ability to see what’s going on, to experience the moment, and even to move forward. I just rock back and forth in my shell, hoping that the “danger” will go away eventually. Once in a while, I might poke my head out to snap at the fingers of whoever sent me scurrying into my shelter.

That’s just plain silly though, isn’t it? A lot of times the hurt or fear isn’t even real. It’s just a reflection of some past trauma in my life. And even if the danger is real (especially if…), leaving the situation seems like a much better idea than waiting around for the predator to pry us out. Retreating behind our barrier does nothing but make us stuck.

So, how do we stay open?

Well, in acting or in life, the only way that consistently works for me is to get my attention off of myself. If I’m obsessing over the hurt or fear that’s out there waiting for me, I’m done. If I can place my focus out, I find myself in a much better place.

Even though it may not seem like it, fear of exposure is self-centered and judgmental. We may think we are only judging ourselves harshly, but really we’re judging everyone else around us as well. We’re saying that if we open ourselves up that they will punish us for it. That’s kind of harsh, when we think about it. Even if some few people do engage in hurtful behavior when we are vulnerable, doesn’t that say more about them and the kind of pain they must be in than it does about our unworthiness?

When we take a moment to concentrate on the other person, magic starts to happen. We’re focused on what they need from us, rather than how terrifying the experience is. Even when cut off in traffic, if I focus on what might be going on in the driver’s life that would cause him or her to do that, I stay open. Same thing with my acting partner. When I worry about what I want from their character and how to help them as a fellow actor, my fear of exposure practically evaporates.

I don’t want this to sound like some “quick fix.” It is a life-long process. But it does work.

And running around with our pants down is incredibly freeing.

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