Fruits of Connection
September 28, 2008. I want to write today about my observations of what connection does feel like and what it does not feel like. It’s a topic that I come back to so often, I think it wants some additional attention. Connection can feel like such an amorphous thing, like trying to describe the taste of salt without using the word “salty.”
Some of the feelings that I associate with connection are love (not necessarily like), joy (not just happy), kindness (not only nice), gentleness, patience, peace (not simply calm). There seem to be a lot of “surface” words that seem similar to, but are actually miles away from, connection. Connection is never just surface.
I can be happy playing a video game, but I’m not sure that joyous would fit there. The birth of a child, a wedding, or even saying goodbye to a loved one can be joyous. I think it’s possible to be sad and joyous at the same time. All of the connection words are kinda like that.
The last thing to say about connection is that when we’re connected we feel “filled up” in the very core of us. We don’t ache or yearn for something to distract us from the void inside (which I’ll talk about a bit later), since it’s filled up with the connection.
Then we come to the disconnected words. Angry, disturbed, impatient, combative, uncaring, judgmental, hateful, fearful, despondent are all words that can describe what I feel when I’m disconnected. They all seem so called for and logical when I’m feeling them, but they’re always accompanied with a dark, cold, painful (and yet numb at the same time) feeling right in the center of my being. Right in my gut. That’s the void. That’s always the surest indicator for me of when I’m not centered and submitted to the will of the universe.
Some things that are not connected can distract us momentarily from the void, but it just comes back worse once we’ve finished. Alcohol, drugs, compulsive sex, gambling, unhealthy eating patterns, rampant spending, OCD behavior, the list goes on and on, but I think the similarities there are pretty clear. They all kind of feel the same.
So, let’s look for those feelings in ourselves to start to identify when we are - and when we are not - connected to those around us. Consider it our acting exercise for the day.
Then leave me comments about what you observed and how you felt while observing it.
Really this is just an excuse to get you guys to leave more comments. You can’t imagine how it feels to log in and see your comments waiting for me. It’s like Christmas! 
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Connection is warm and just a little gooey. Like fresh cherry pie rolling around in your mouth. You are right. It is satiating
Disconnection is the opposite. It’s like having dry mouth without a drop of water in sight. Not fun.
You podcasts? Always cherry pie 
Carolyn said this on September 28th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
When I was uncomfortable or afraid- disconnected. I was only thinking of myself.
Anger is something I struggle w/ i rarely feel peace- its mostly calm at best.
I have felt peace when i know that its all going to b fine but i realise now as im writing this -and feeling a little self-conscious but perhaps not to a negative extent (more to the extent where I am just aware of what others may think)- that you and everyone else probably felt that the situation that made you angry was threatening you.
And people believe the angry response would some how help them by galvanising action to solve the problem.
But here’s the ‘aha’ moment -the situation wasn’t that threatening- all the anger and subsequent action in the world wont protect me from a non-existent threat.
Am I thinking too much ben? Coz i’m pretty sure its just an explanation of what had become assumed/internalised, habitual and then a revelation, what do you think?
jordan said this on September 29th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Jordan, the first thing that I want to say is that it’s pretty amazing that you’re opening up in this way. Being honest about where you are right now, without shame, is a huge step along this path.
Your thinking, if I’m understanding it correctly, seems spot on. Most of the situations we view as threatening or hurtful are not nearly as bad as we thing they are. Even when they are profound (and threatening and hurtful), responding with anger doesn’t ever seem to help the situation. At all. Of course, it’s particularly clear when the threat really isn’t real at all. It allows us to have those “a-ha” moments much more readily.
I love how much you think and process all the information that you gather. It’s one of your assets. As one smart guy to another, though, make sure it doesn’t cut you off from those around you.
I know that in the past I’ve used my “deep thinking” to isolate me from others.
actingwithoutthedrama said this on September 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
thanks ben
jordan said this on September 29th, 2008 at 10:11 pm