Acting Without the Drama

February 23, 2009.  So, here I am, back in my stuff.

I have spent the last few days fighting with my business partner, fighting with my wife, fighting with myself.

I really thought I was past all of this.  Fighting really just never does anything useful.

I feel like I’m right back where I was quite a while ago…years even…in terms of the way I’ve handled myself.  I’m exhausted.  Oh, that’s the other thing about fighting.  It usually happens about when you normally go to sleep.  It really is like adding insult to injury.

I’ve had to look some of my past behavior straight in the face, and it hasn’t been at all pretty.  Now I’m in the place where I get to choose what to do next.  Do I go into a downward shame spiral, self-flagellating all the way down?  Weeeeeelllll, that option hasn’t worked out so well for me in the past.

What’s the other option?  Maybe I could continue to look at all the stuff that’s there, but do it without shame.  That feels much more uncomfortable, so I must be on the right track.  Actually look at my behaviors, take responsibility for them, and then…here’s a crazy thought…change.

That’s the thing, really.  If I allow myself to go into that spiral, the change will never happen.  It can’t.  I’m too busy whipping myself to do anything else.

So, instead, I look deep into that mirror that’s been held up and look at all the ugliness I’ve allowed to grow all over me.  I take a fearless look at what’s there, and use the information I find to actually start to fix what’s wrong.

Huh.

Sounds crazy enough to work.

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