Acting Without the Drama

Magical Thinking

April 28, 2009. So, today’s meeting went about as well as it could’ve. We’re moving on to the next stage, talking about what steps are next.

There was some awkwardness, some things that we can do differently next time. Things weren’t perfect.

And that’s where the problem comes roaring in.

Things were supposed to be perfect.

I’m not even sure if I know what that “perfect” was supposed to look like, but it wasn’t what happened. Even though what happened was about as good as it gets as far as pitch meetings go.

That’s the problem with magical thinking. Nothing can ever measure up.

I talked a little bit about this yesterday. The whole “looking for signs” thing. Again, we set up these unconscious high expectations that can never be met. And why do we do it?

I think it’s because we have that negative voice inside that truly believes that we don’t deserve success. Rather than honestly assess the good and the bad in a very real meeting, that voice would rather point out all the ways in which what happened didn’t live up to what we wanted. We are overly critical of ourselves, beating ourselves up for miniscule mistakes that were probably not even noticed. We go into a shame spiral, where we either withdraw so that we don’t have to deal with that kind of disappointment again, or we try to make up for our perceived mistakes, clutching in a desparate way to what feels like our only chance for success.

Neither option is particulary attractive.

So, this time, I would like to do things differently. We’re in talks with an established production company about one of our shows.

That’s awesome.

Everything else is just interesting information for the next time. Actually, I think it’s the “next time” that the negative voice is frantically trying to avoid.

But the rest of me can’t wait!