Acting Without the Drama

May 30, 2009.  My brother moved today.  We saw them off this morning and helped them pack up a few last things.  Our kids played with their kids.  Then they got in their truck and left.

And I cried.

I hadn’t realized just how much it meant to me that they were here.  We would regularly invite them over to dinner with us.  Our kids would play together.  They babysitted for us and we for them on many occasions.

And now they’re gone.

Again, I know that their leaving is a good thing.  They are going to do wonderful things out in North Carolina.  I’m just going to miss them.

I had been cranky all week.  Snapping at my kids, picking fights with my wife, stirring up weirdness with my business partner (I apologize for all of that, by the way), and all of it stemmed from the fact that I wasn’t dealing with my feelings around my brother moving.

I even found myself today not really wanting to help them with the last-minute preparations (I apologize for that, too).  The more I helped, the sooner they would be gone.

Yeah, I’m a dork.

Because, really, what’s this all about?  I’m still going to see my brother, although not as much.  We will stay in contact.  I do with my other brothers, so why should it be different with him?

I think it’s me just being selfish, and perhaps a little petty.  He’s going to go to grad school.  There is safety in school, and also some in the field that he’s chosen.  There really isn’t in mine.

That’s also what I’ve chosen, and I don’t take it back.  I love it.

So, while I may envy him the safety, I don’t want to change places with him.  I’m proud of him.  I am excited for him.  I think the world of him.

And, I’m also pretty happy being me right now.  I like being in my own skin.

And I’ve always wanted to see North Carolina, anyway.  I hear it’s beautiful!

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