Acting Without the Drama

June 21, 2009.  I have something that I think I inherited from my mom.  I have a difficult time enjoying Father’s Day.

No, my mom doesn’t have a problem with Father’s Day.  Her issue is with Mother’s Day, but it’s essentially the same thing.  It’s a feeling of inadequacy.  I’m being celebrated for my role as a dad, but I don’t feel like I’m a very good one.

But even as I say it, I know there’s crazy in there.  I’m not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination.  I am overly impatient with my kids.  I sometimes am not willing to do that extra mile to really make sure that they feel safe and loved.  I drive them too much.

But anyone that knows me well at all knows how much my kids mean to me.  It doesn’t take much time talking to me for me to start in with stories of my little ones.  I am so proud of them.  Each of them has such a beautifully unique soul, and each of them touches my heart in a slightly different way.  Sometimes when I check in on them before I go to bed, my love for them is so overwhelming that I almost can’t breathe.

I watched my mom agonize over Mother’s Day for years.  Maybe I thought that the way she was acting was the only way to act.  It certainly didn’t make any sense to me.  My mom is an awesome mom.  She’s not perfect, but she raised five boys who have all grown up to be kind, loving, respectful men.  My brothers (as far as I can see) are all good husbands, which means that we were all taught to respect and love women and the strength that they bring.  We don’t do it perfectly, but I can see the care that my brothers exercise with their wives and it mirrors my own.

I like the way my dad handles the day.  He enjoys it.  He doesn’t seem to bask in it, but he doesn’t reject it, either.  When someone honors him, he takes it with good grace, then seeks to give the same honors to the other fathers around him.  He seems to see it as a day for men to enjoy being appreciated for showing up and loving the precious souls with whom we’ve been entrusted, while trying not to pass along too many of our issues.

Which, at the end of the day, is kind of what being a dad is all about.

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