Acting Without the Drama

Dorkageness

July 30, 2009. I’m a dork.

I know that it’s no longer a revelation. Actually, for those that know me at all, it was a complete given.

But there are days where I feel like I surpass myself, and today was one of them.

We’re finishing up our shows for the theatre camp tomorrow, and today was all about tech rehearsals. For anyone that’s done any theatre, you know that tensions can run high during tech.

Yeah, they were.

I thought I was keeping myself out of the vast majority of it, and I suppose I pretty much was, until today. Today I decided that it would be a good idea to go head to head with one of the instructors that I know the least but have a lot of respect for. The disagreement wasn’t anything truly important, although it certainly felt like it was at the time (it always does, right?). I was convinced that I was right and she was wrong. Wrong, I tells ya!

But the argument wasn’t about what I thought it was about. I’m pretty sure that where teh energy came from was the way that I may have approached the conversation.

I realized (belatedly) that I was probably talking to her like the head of the acting program talking to an instructor in that program. I spent five years running a program, and old habit die hard, I suppose.

The thing is, I don’t really see myself that way in connection to the camp. I think my main fear, going in, was that my contribution to the school would not be what I wanted it to be. And when I’m afraid, I don’t act like myself…at least not like the self that I want to be.

So, today, I didn’t do as well as I would’ve liked. And, at the end of it, I’m moving forward, feeling like I’ve learned something. Now, I just hope I can mend some fences tomorrow.

Apologies are not much fun to make, but they’re wonderful when they’re accepted.