Acting Without the Drama

November 3, 2009.  Today I had a crystal clear example of just how silly the negative tapes are that play out in our heads.

I watched an adult transform into a confrontational child right before my eyes.  There was no logic to the reasoning that was presented.  There was little to no accountability for hurtful words or actions.  There was a complete disregard for healthy boundaries and guidelines that had been set in place.

And it was beautiful.

A good portion of the reason that it was so great was that I realized how often I do the exact same thing myself.  It helped me to see just how ludicrous it seems from the other side of things.

The other thing that was wonderful about it was that it was so clear how young this person was in that moment.  How young and in pain.  It was very obviously a cry for help.

So many times it doesn’t seem that obvious.  Someone is engaging in hurtful behavior, and rather than choosing to see that they are in pain and have their defenses up, I get offended and put up my own defenses.  Just in case you were wondering, having two people with their defenses up typically doesn’t go well.

Choosing in that moment to be soft and gentle, to show an increase of love towards them so that they know you’re not an enemy, that’s the kind of man I want to be.  Creating a welcoming place for the other party to be able to drop their defenses and let the real them show up.

Also doing the same thing when I’m the one with my hackles raised.  Softening.  Dropping my guard.  Letting myself be… me.

Healthy behavior is so simple.  It does feel pretty difficult to put into practice at time, though.

So, soft and gentle.  That’s the guy I want to be. 

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